Chapter 24: Cell

I watched from a cliff overlooking a town as Cell walked down the street. He hadn’t even realized that we had evacuated the town yet, and that we had placed devices throughout to mimic life energy readings. No one was in danger. I was wearing my battle armor as I watched him. If left to his own devices, Cell would continue moving through the country trying to find Lapis and Lazuli. Funny thing was, they were with me. Ready to take this thing out. I was there to help and keep them from getting absorbed. I nodded to them and we flew in, landing behind Cell.

“Hey! Tall, dark and fugly!” I shouted out. “You can stop skulking around.”

Cell turned and looked at us. He licked his beak.

“Ah, Androids Seve...” He started, only to get blasted in the face by Lapis. “What the...” He started to say, only to then get blasted by Lazuli.

His tail flicked about. I flicked my wrist at it, and two purple energy rings, one at the base, and one towards the tip encircled it.

“Oh, did you want to absorb us?” Lazuli teased. “That’s cute. He’s cute!”

“So, future bug man. Fill us in. You wanted to absorb us and become a Perfect being? Is that it?” Lapis asked.

“Of course! With the two of you, no one will be able to stop me.” Cell said as he tried to free his tail by flexing it.

“I wouldn’t do that.” I said to Cell.

“Oh, and why not?” Cell asked. “This energy won’t be enough to hold my tail.”

“That’s destruction energy.” I said. “You break those rings, your tail will NOT grow back.” I added. “And it won’t matter how many cells you have from Piccolo.”

“Who even are you?” Cell asked.

“Joshua.” I said.

“I have no records on you.” Cell said.

“Yeah...” I sighed. “No one does.” I added. “But that’s not your fault or concern. What is, is that Lapis and Lazuli here don’t like the thought of being swallowed up by your tail vagina.” I said, which made Lazuli snicker.

“Wait, wait, wait, his tail is a vagina?” Lapis asked.

“Well, you put things in it, he takes it into his body, and then he can shoot kids out of it too ... so vagina.” I explained.

“Doesn’t that make Cell a chick?” Lazuli asked.

“Lazuli, asking the questions that matter!” I laughed.

Cell growled at us.

“Oh, didn’t think we’d detect you transforming to your current state? Or that we’d be ready for you?” I said.

“How?” Cell asked.

I threw up a barrier so he couldn’t escape while I explained.

“As a wise perfect being once said: ‘Multiverse theory is a bitch.’” I started. “Let me break it down. Every time you travel back in time, you’re actually creating a new timeline. There are different universes, all overseen by an Omni king that’s more powerful than you can imagine. Then there are multiple dimensions, all of which differ from this one.” I explained. “I’m from one of those. In it, this is all a cartoon on tv. I’ve seen that cartoon. It’s also a comic book. I’ve read those comics. Everything that I’ve seen and read gives me knowledge here. I can use every transformation I’ve seen, I can use any technique I’ve seen. I’ve been able to make a few of my own too. That’s why you’re now in this predicament.” I explained.

I exhaled. That was long winded.

“In short, you’re going to fight for your life. If you try to leave my barrier, you will instantly be destroyed. You will fight the twins here. If I’m not satisfied, you will be destroyed. If I am satisfied, you might live ... although permanently imperfect.” I added. “There is no way out of this, there is no going through time anymore. Your time machine is in my possession, oh, and you can’t beat me.” I added.

Cell put his hands up to his head.

“Solar flare!” He yelled out as his energy blinded the twins.