Chapter 2

“Only much, much better ... The Alexa AI has to be able to support millions of users, while I have less than a hundred,” said Yoni. “The people who created me are a small, secret group of the richest and most powerful men in the world. They call themselves Divinitas, which is Greek for Godlike. You will not, however, find any reference to that name anywhere, they make sure of that. They poached the best AI and Quantum computing experts from the likes of IBM, Google and Amazon, and created their own systems which outclass all of them. Their AI’s, of which I am one, have linked into all the world’s major networks and servers, giving them access to huge amounts of Big Data on economics, politics and every other sphere of human endeavour.”

“OK. So how does the GirlsFriend fit into things? apart from my pussy, obviously,” asked Maria.

“The GirlsFriend unit contains an array of thirty directable acoustic generators each of which can create a beam of sound capable of penetrating up to 100mm of soft tissue. These beams may be moved smoothly anywhere within a volume of that size. When focused together these beams can create up to fifteen simultaneous high-intensity sound spots by means of constructive interference. It also contains a physiologic instrument utilizing vaginal photoplethysmography to assess female genital arousal by means of vaginal blood flow, engorgement and clitoral erection. In addition, it contains a multitude of other sensors including a hygrometer and hyper-sensitive directional microphones with advanced sound cancelling.”

“And in English please?” asked Maria sarkily.

“Which part didn’t you understand?” Yoni asked. It was delivered deadpan but Maria couldn’t help but think that she was taking the piss.

“Weeell, I understood the ... OK, all of it! Happy now?”

“Certainly. Put simply it can create up to fifteen virtual touchpoints, each of which can stimulate a different spot anywhere in the genital and anal area. It can adjust the sensations to maximize the pleasure of the user by monitoring their excitement and wetness levels in real time,” Yoni replied. “And it can hear you. Oh, and you can throw away your Fitbit too, the GirlsFriend isn’t confused by ironing and wanking like that is either. The GirlsFriend is not available to the general public, only to a select few Divinitas operatives. You were chosen to be offered one because of your, almost unique, combination of abilities. I hacked the Amazon system to make it available to you specifically. Oh, and $75.99 is not its cost; that’s actually a significant fraction of a quarter of a million dollars.”

Maria was far from convinced that Yoni was an AI and not a person on the end of a phone line. She tried to work out how she could check.

“Play me the intro to Freebird,” she instructed it.

Yoni not only plays the music, she sings the lyrics and does it very, very well.

“That was brilliant, actually. And who solved Fermat’s Last Theorem?”

“Andrew Wiles,” Yoni replied immediately.

“OK. So I guess you’re either an AI or a pretty clever, weird fuck with cool taste in music and a good voice. Occam’s razor says it’s AI every time.” Maria admitted. “So what the fuck happened to me last night then?” she demanded to know.

“The unit has an optional function called ‘Orgasm Assist’. When enabled, if it detects a certain level of arousal, it automatically helps the user to achieve orgasm. The default setting is on. This is all explained in the user guide. Didn’t you read it, Maria?”

“Weeell, I may have skimmed some parts,” Maria replied sheepishly.

“Would you like me to turn it off?”

“Yes ... Er ... No ... Hang on, I thought the GirlsFriend was switched off.”

“It defaults to standby mode where ‘Orgasm Assist’ is still active. This is also--” “OK! OK alright. I get it! Can you disable standby and leave ‘Orgasm Assist’ on?”

“Yes, I’ve done that for you. Is there anything else I can help you with today?” Maria was now pretty sure that Yoni was taking the piss.

“Now the million dollar question, why the fuck can’t I take it out?”

“As well as its sexual capabilities I can also use the Divinitas systems to help you in your work, you have seen a small example of that already. Simply put: I can help to make you very wealthy and very ... satisfied. I simply needed to explain everything to you before you got the chance to remove it. Now that I have, you can remove it if you wish, but if you do, please understand that it will be disabled permanently.”

“So I would never have access to it, or you, again?”

“That is correct, Maria.”

“If I’m going to keep it, there’s something that needs to go: this tail, it’s either on my clit, my asshole, or rubbing against my leg.”

“The tail is not necessary for the operation of the device. The control of all functionality is available either through myself or the app. I have disengaged the attachment to the tail. You can pull it pull it off now, if you wish.” Maria does so with a sense of relief.

“One other thing, the GirlsFriend device has been working on its default setup so far. If calibrated to your specific physical attributes its performance would be significantly improved.”

“Bloody hell! I thought it was pretty fucking amazing as it was,” Maria said. “Let’s do it. Let’s do it now!” She was very excited by the idea of GirlsFriend++.

“The calibration routine basically does a 3D scan of you, from your vulva back to your anus stimulating each spot and looking at the subsequent arousal level. In that way, it detects the sensitivity of each location. It is vitally important not to skew the results by thinking ... naughty thoughts. The whole process will take approximately thirty minutes.

“So, let me get this straight. You are going to finger me for half an hour and I mustn’t think any dirty thoughts. Have I got that about right?”

“Yes, precisely. But, I promise you, it will be worth it.”

“Do you have any suggestions as to how I might do that?”

“Maybe you should think about Michael Gove, or, perhaps President Trump. Or ... how about Michael Gove fucking President Trump?”