Chapter 26

They visited Anja One-Eye to handle their mundane portion of items first. They showed up late, Zoey having found success in her soapy teasing of Rosalie’s body during their shared shower. Not exceptionally late, though, but Rosalie seemed irritated at herself that she hadn’t made it to the old woman’s shop immediately on opening. Zoey had been called a few variations of the word ‘troublesome’.

Zoey spectated in silence as she watched her partner go about the haggling process. Of the ten or fifteen rather unimpressive pieces of dungeon loot they’d left with Anja, Rosalie only kept three. The rest they bartered to Anja, which, from Zoey’s understanding, would be shortly sold off to another party. Anja was simply an intermediary. Rosalie could make much greater profits if she took her time and shopped around, but Rosalie had said it herself: money didn’t matter. Beyond being able to supply themselves, they didn’t need the best equipment they could obtain for their advancement. In fact, Zoey got the sense Rosalie had no intentions of staying at advancement two for long enough for collecting second-advancement armor to matter.

Fe, the plush, curvy sheep-girl was up next. And Zoey was much more interested in the results of those items.

“It’s incredible,” Fe said. “The results of all three analyses were just, just fascinating! A first advancement shard, you said?”

Zoey grinned at the promising start. “Yeah. Let’s hear it.”

“Where should I start?” Fe had the three items they’d taken in to be identified laid out on the counter.

“Nipple rings, first?”

Fe nodded. “You were right to be suspicious. The name was standard enough—’of alacrity’ is a routine modifier—but they serve more function than just a Wayfarer would take interest in.”

“They do, do they?” Zoey’s smile was growing. Fe seemed equal parts excited and awkward to talk about it.

“They’re still adventuring equipment, but yes—they serve a few uses. You’ll definitely want to keep them. Or sell them—I’m sure they’d go for a great price.”

“Get to it, please,” Rosalie said.

“Right! So. It has two sigils, as the description said. They’re synergistic with each other.” She coughed. “Forgive the frank phrasing: the first sigil accelerates a user’s arrival to orgasm.”

Zoey blinked rapidly. “That’s a good thing?” She guessed if you were looking for a quickie ... but the build-up was the best part, usually.

“Like I said, it’s practical equipment! The second sigil, you see, produces a lingering attack-speed buff for fourteen to eighteen minutes after orgasm. So reaching orgasm fast is a good thing because of the synergy. It’s fairly potent, too. Twenty-two percent.”

“Percent!” Rosalie wasn’t a woman prone to outbursts; it drew a surprised look from Zoey. “An amplifier like that? As a first advancement artifact?”

“I know! Incredible, isn’t it?”

“That’s, that’s—” Rosalie paused. She wiped a hand down her face. “That makes this damned item the best I’ve found since I’ve come down here.”

“And it gets better!” Fe enthused. “This shard, you two really don’t know how lucky you got. The others are just as impressive.”

“Sounds like we’ll have to put them to good use,” Zoey said, grinning at Rosalie. “You know. For practicality’s sake.”

Fe’s face went red at the implication. Zoey had half forgotten they’d had company.

“We’ll discuss that later,” Rosalie said, also flushing, and shooting Zoey an annoyed look. “Please continue.”

“The second item. The, um, cock ring.” The lewd item name stumbled from the sheep-girl, even if she was much less awkward than Anja had been. “This one’s the least practical of the bunch, but also the,” she coughed, “erm, most fun-focused, to be direct. And quite bizarre. It does exactly as the description says—prevents orgasm, until the binder releases the item—but also more, something not specifically stated in the description. As expected of a rare-quality item. My analysis indicates the longer it’s attached, or perhaps rather, the longer and more intense an orgasm has been staved off, the larger the weapon grows.”

“Weapon?” Rosalie asked.

“W-Well, I didn’t want to be crude about things.”

“The cock,” Rosalie said flatly, looking at Zoey. “I don’t think bigger is what we need.”

Again—Fe flushed. “Oh. G-Good for you two.”

“Bigger’s always better,” Zoey returned, grinning at Rosalie. “I’m sure it’ll be an experience, if nothing else.”

Rosalie scoffed.

“And the last?” Zoey asked Fe.

“Right. The crown jewel, in my honest opinion.” Fe cracked open the wooden case, revealing the set of six increasing-in-size pairs of silver buttplugs. “Now, these are really something. I could see them going for fifteen, twenty gold, even.”

Rosalie’s eyebrows raised; Zoey assumed that was a lot. “And what do they do?”

“Empower the user! In a variety of ways. I’m going to have to invent some verbiage here, if you’ll forgive me, but basically, the larger the pair that the two users wear, the more ‘storage’ space for orgasmic energy.”

“Orgasmic energy,” Rosalie said disbelievingly. “What kind of empowerment? And why in pairs?”

“Beats me. For the pair requirement, I mean. Shard loot, am I right?” Fe coughed at Rosalie’s unimpressed expression. Zoey could tell Rosalie was keeping her reactions strictly under control, because she was intensely embarrassed by all this. “But they’ll only work when used together, and of the same size. The empowerment seems to affect a few things: vitality, perceptions, focus, and strength. Real useful mixture of stats. But the process is a bit specific.”

“Go ahead.”

“Once inserted, they’ll store energy with every successive orgasm, up until they’re removed—which will release the energy. So you’ll need to plan accordingly.”

“And it’s a powerful effect,” Rosalie said.

“Not multiplicative, but stronger for a lower advancement than the nipple rings. Assuming average first-advancement capabilities, probably close to a forty percent boost? For a second-advancement, probably around twenty-five.”

“In all categories you mentioned?”

Fe nodded along. “Like I said. Fifteen, twenty gold—for a first-advancement item. It’s one of the best I’ve ever seen.”

“We really got lucky.” Zoey was the only one grinning here, but she couldn’t help herself.

“You really did.”

“How’d you figure all this out, anyway?” Zoey asked.

Fe tutted. “That’s a trade secret, ma’am. You’d need to join the Artificer’s Guild and finish an apprenticeship for me to tell you.”

“Did you clean them, at least?”

Fe paused, then flushed. She crossed her arms. “Hey! What are you implying?”

“Good news?” Zoey asked, walking into Sabina’s alchemy store. Sabina had remembered to flick her ‘open’ sign to the correct position, today. Not that the shop had any customers.

“Perhaps,” Sabina said, peeling off her goggles and separating herself from the simmering vat; the same way Zoey had found her yesterday. “It depends on your perspective of success.”

“The blossom blight.” That was the more important potion by an order of magnitude. Having aphrodisiacs on hand to spice things up was for sure something Zoey looked forward to, but not accidentally knocking girls up (again, assuming she could; her cock hadn’t come with a manual) was on the ‘must-have’ list rather than the ‘would be fun’ list. And sure, Zoey could start using condoms, but that was her back up plan. She’d rather not. “How’d that turn out?”

“Determine for yourself,” Sabina said. “One moment.” She disappeared into the backroom, then returned with four red vials in her hand. She laid them on the front counter.

Zoey inspected them.

[Potion of Impotency]: Render consumer infertile for four hours.