One

It all started the year I was 14. I had a younger brother and sister who were 9 and 5, and Mom insisted on taking them trick-or-treating-mainly because of my sister. She didn't trust my brother to watch her, and she was only five.

That meant I was stuck passing out the candy, considering I had no other plans. There were parties going on, but I hadn't gotten invited. I had no social life at 14. I was pudgy and kind of shy and geeky. So, I passed out the candy. It wasn't so bad. A lot of the little kids had real cute costumes.

After about an hour and a half, the parade had started to thin out. Then, I answered a knock-and saw a kid, a sheet over his head with two eyeholes cut out, who was taller than me. "Trick or treat!" he chirped.

"Aren't you a little old for trick-or-treating?" I smirked.

"Well, yeah. So what?"

"Well, I only have a little candy left, and I need to save it for the little kids."

"I can see that," he said. "But, you know, I think I should get something for all this effort I put into this costume," he smirked.

"Oh, yeah?" I laughed. "Fine. What did you have in mind?"

"How about a kiss?"

"I don't even know who you are!" I cracked up laughing.

He pulled the sheet up over his head. It was Riley McConnell. "Hi, Denise," he said. I should have known. Riley McConnell was a complete nut, the funniest kid in school. Leave it to him to throw a sheet over his head and try to go trick or treating.

I'd known Riley a long time. I liked him. Everybody liked him. He was a likable guy and, as I said, just plain hilarious. He could get me laughing my lungs out in seconds.

"Hi, Riley. You nut," I giggled.

"Guilty as charged. Now that you know it's me, do I get my Halloween kiss, or do I just steal all your Snickers?"

"You can not have the Snickers!" I asserted. "Fine. OK. You get a kiss for trick or treat."

"OK, if I can't have the Snickers, I guess," he laughed. Then he leaned in towards me.

Hey, it was Riley. I'd known him since second grade. He was the class clown even back then. I expected an exaggerated lip-smack, or him kissing my nose, or something else silly. That's not what I got. He leaned down, put his hand down on my shoulder, and pressed his lips into mine.

I guess you never forget your first kiss, and this was mine. But, as I said, I didn't expect an actual kiss. I swear to God, I just about swooned. It was warm and sweet and delicious and made my hair stand on end. It didn't last thirty seconds but it felt like a lifetime. When he backed up, he was grinning at me-but it wasn't his usual "I'm having a joke on you" grin. For my part, all I could do was stand there-barely-and blink at him. "Thanks," he croaked, and off he went.

I went to bed that night and dreamed about Riley McConnell.

Two

When we got back to school the next day-we were both in 9^th grade-it was like it never happened. Riley didn't even acknowledge it-and if he didn't, I sure as hell wasn't going to. He was his usual self. When he talked to me, it was usually a joke. It was like the greatest thirty seconds of my life had never happened.

It was frustrating. I wanted him to acknowledge it. I wanted him to ask me out. I wanted him to kiss me again! Nothing. I got nothing. I shouldn't have been surprised. I was practically a nonentity around school, and Riley, because of his gift for jokes, was a minor celebrity. It was nothing to him. He'd probably kissed half the girls in school. Hell, he'd probably done more. Kids start earlier than 14, some of them-I knew a couple girls that weren't virgins. Riley probably had his pick. And, there I was, making a big deal out of a silly kiss.

And why hadn't I noticed before this how damn cute he was?

Anyhow, nothing else happened. I spent the rest of freshman year mooning over Riley McConnell, and he spent the rest of freshman year barely knowing I was alive.

Something happened to me that summer. Somehow, I grew. I got taller, which made me less pudgy. And I grew in, er, other places, too. Mom looked at me and muttered what mothers everywhere mutter: "You're growing up!" It took a few inches in height and a new C-cup bra for her to figure this out? Anyhow, I got a nice fringe benefit-a day at her favorite salon. My mousy, stringy hair actually looked human went I went back to school.

I got back to school, and, wonder of wonders, I got noticed. By boys, even. I guess it's true-it's all in the boobs. Well, not being a runt didn't hurt. 5'5" wasn't bad. And, though I'd never be model-skinny, at least I was proportional for a change. I felt good. That was new.

What wasn't new, much to my chagrin, was the boy who wasn't noticing me-Riley McConnell. Boys I didn't know were passing me by with an "I love your hair" or a "You look really good this year." From Riley, I got nothing.

And that was who I wanted to notice. I swear, I was obsessed. I actually got asked out, twice-that surely had never happened before-and by nice boys. But I turned them both down. Because neither was Riley. This is what's known as being a lovesick idiot.

I just couldn't get that kiss out of my mind, and didn't know what to do about it.

Three

Then, with another Halloween around the corner, I overheard something. I was out of candy-dispensing duties this year-but, apparently, Riley wasn't. He was telling a buddy that he had to do just that this year.

I immediately thought of a plan, and quickly put it into action. So, Halloween night found me, dressed as a witch, heading the half-mile to Riley's house. I wiped the sweat off my palms as I nervously knocked on the door. He answered. "Trick or Treat!" I chirped.

"Aren't you a little old for this, little girl?" he asked.

"Funny, that's the same thing I said to you last year," I told him.

"Denise?" he laughed. "Is that you under that mask? Turning the tables on me, eh?"

"Yup. Got any Snickers?"

"Hershey bars. But none for you. Got to save 'em for the younger kids, you know."

"Darn. And I really like Hershey bars. Well, you know, I did work hard on this costume."

"Yup, you bought it at Walgreen's," he laughed.

"Well, I had to buy it out of my allowance money. Do you know how many dishes I washed to buy this?"

"Too bad. No candy for you, little girl. Unless you have a better idea."

I pulled off the witch's mask, and grinned at him. "Well, you can always give me what I gave you last year."

He grinned widely. "Oh, I think I could handle that." He put his hand on my shoulder, just like last year, and leaned in to kiss me.

This one was better. How I kept standing up is completely beyond me, I was so weak in the knees. It lasted a good minute. My whole world stopped. And, when he broke the kiss, the look he gave me! I was never sure if the one last year affected him as it did me-- this one did. I was sure of it. The look on his face was shock. Finally, he regained his composure, grinned, said, "Happy Halloween," and retreated back behind his door.

I floated home.

Four

And, back in school-NOTHING! Again! It was so frustrating! In fact, this time, it was worse. After last year, he at least talked to me. This year, he seemed to be going out of his way to avoid me. I just didn't get it. He didn't even crack jokes to me. It was so depressing. Maybe I should've tried harder. Maybe I should've made the first move. But I was pretty incapable of that at the time.

Anyhow, time went on, and there was a big event looming. Our school had a big Christmas dance, every year, a couple weeks before Christmas itself. I wanted to go. One guess as to who I wanted to ask me. Yeah, like that was going to happen. A mere week before the thing, a guy I knew named Jay Billings asked me. Tired of waiting for Riley, I said yes. Jay was a nice guy and I thought I'd have a good time.

I was right, in a way. Jay was nice and an excellent dancer, so, without the distractions, I would've had a good time.

Distractions? Well, the first one was seeing Riley walk in-with Donna Bellagi! Donna was the Queen of the School, and made sure all the rest of us lesser mortals knew it. And she was walking into the dance with my guy! It made me sick.

What made me sicker was a conversation I happened to have with Charlie Tills, Riley's best friend. I was grabbing a glass of punch and Charlie was there.

"Hey, Denise. How's it going? Having a good time? I see you're here with Jay."

"Hi, Charlie. Yeah, Jay's a fun date."

"That's good. I was kind of surprised, though. I thought for sure I'd see you come in with Riley."

"Excuse me?" I sputtered.

"Yeah. All he kept talking about for the past month was how he was going to ask you. Then I don't hear a thing about it. Then I see him here with Donna-and she asked him. Did you shoot him down?"

"Charlie, he never asked!"

"He didn't? I don't get it. It seemed to me he was nuts about you." He saw something on my face. "Shit. You're crazy about him, too, aren't you?"

"He would not have gotten shot down if he'd asked me, I'll promise you that much."

"Shit." Charlie grinned at me. "He told me about the little kissing scene on Halloween. He said last year it was kind of a joke, but this year-well, it rocked his world. He thought you were so gutsy to do that, and the kiss was a heart-stopper. Riley doesn't talk like that much, you know. I don't get why he didn't ask you."

"I don't get it either," I sighed.

"Maybe he thought you wouldn't say yes."

"Maybe. He didn't get that from me. And he's been avoiding me since Halloween."

"Ah. Cold feet," Charlie said. Then he grinned at me. "Don't worry. I'll sort this out. You guys'll hook up."

Good old Charlie. I could've kissed him.

Five

Alas, it was not to be. I don't know if Charlie ever said anything or not. What I do know is that, starting at that Christmas dance, Donna got her hooks into Riley and didn't intend to let go. They did the whole lovey-dovey thing from the night of the dance until Christmas break. After Christmas break, they were still doing it.

That's when I gave up. I felt a lot better about myself than I had, but there's no way I could compete with Donna. I missed my chance. Riley had apparently liked me, but I missed my chance. Damn.

It was painful, but I couldn't go on wishing for something that was never going to be. I dated Jay for a while. He was nice, but it just didn't click. And he didn't kiss half as well as Riley. I dated a few other boys that year-nothing special. My Dad, who lived 1000 miles away with my grandparents, invited me to go spend the summer with him. I didn't see Dad enough, so I accepted, after twisting my Mother's arm to get her to agree. It was a good choice. I love Dad, and my grandparents, and I had a good time.

I even met a boy there, Sean. What amazed me is that *I* initiated it. I don't know what got into me, it must have been that I knew I was only there for two months and figured what the hell. I walked down the street where my Dad lived and there he was, watering his lawn. I walked right up to him and introduced myself. He did the same, and then I told him I was staying with my Dad for the summer. And then I added, "But Dad didn't tell me there was a really cute boy right down the street." He blushed bright red-then asked me out, just like that! Wow-It was *that* easy? Did wonders for my confidence, that's for sure. We went out the whole summer. He was very sweet, kissed almost as good as Riley, and was given the honor of being the first boy allowed up my shirt. That was very nice. It didn't go farther than that-but, hey, we both knew from the start that this was a summer fling.

I got back to town a week before school started. I gradually realized I was going to have to go back to the Riley and Donna show again. Even with my increased confidence, I really wasn't looking forward to that.

However, over the first week of school, I noticed something-there wasn't any Donna, not with Riley. I never saw them together. And Riley was moping around school like his dog had gotten run over, or something. Riley McConnell? Moping? Something was seriously wrong.

I decided to find out what. It was still nice enough to eat outside in the courtyard-and that's where I found Riley. By himself in the corner. Moping. I screwed on every bit of self-confidence I had-which, when it came to Riley, still wasn't much-and marched over to him.

"Howdy, Goofball. How's tricks?"

"Hi, Denise," he said with a weak little smile. "Everything's fine."

"What's the latest?" That was code with Riley. If you asked him that, you always got a joke.

"Sorry, Dee, ain't got nothing for you today."

I reached up and put my hand on his forehead. "Are you ill? No jokes from Riley, I think I'm gonna faint!"

"Not in the mood, I guess," he said with a pathetic grin.

"Riley. What happened?" He just looked at me. "Come on, Riley, you need to get it off your chest."

"Maybe you're right. I haven't told anyone." He took a breath. "Donna dumped me about a month ago. Apparently she was cheating on me the whole time we were going out."

"That fucking bitch," I blurted out. "Oops, 'scuse my language."

"That's OK," he laughed. "You're right. Too bad I didn't see it. Denise, she was my first, OK? And her parting shot to me was that she was sleeping with other guys because I couldn't satisfy her."

"Oh JESUS, Riley! No wonder the joke machine got cut off. You must feel like shit."

"Yeah."

"Riley? Don't. She's not worth it."

"I know, I know... I was deluding myself."

"That doesn't make it hurt less, I know. But you'll get past it." I grinned at him. "You just need some new joke books."

"I might just try that," he grinned-a genuine Riley grin. "You seem to understand very well what I went through with her."

"More than you know," I said. He looked at me. "And no, I'm not telling you why. Not yet, anyhow. It's personal and kind of painful."

"That's fine," he said. Then he hugged me! "Thanks, Denise. It helped a lot."

"You're welcome," I managed to get out.

Six

After that, we ate lunch almost every day-and Riley steadily became more and more Riley. Damn, that boy made me laugh. I can't tell jokes like Riley, but I have a good sense of humor. And Riley's humor could get 'out there, ' and a lot of people didn't get it. I got it. He told me once that I was one of the few that did.

I decided I was just going to be part of his life. I was going to be his lunch partner-and see what happened. About a month went by, and that's what I was. Except, gradually, he'd find me before school to talk, or after school. He started walking me to my after-lunch class every day. He'd walk into one of the two classes we shared together and drop a Riley bon mot on my head, making me giggle at the teacher.

This went on for about a month. Then, one day in mid-October, we were walking together from lunch to our classes. We were discussing my appreciation for his wackiness. Then, he said, "You know, that's one thing I never got about Donna."

"What's that?"

"She went out with me, I think, because I was popular. But I'm popular because I'm funny. And she didn't get my jokes."

"She only recognized that you were popular, she didn't care why," I pointed out. "I think she thinks popularity is a birthright or something."

"Too true," he laughed.

"So, tell me, what was the attraction for you? Besides her boobs," I snickered.

"It wasn't the boobs," he grinned right back. Then he got serious. "She pursued me, you know. Maybe that was a lot of the attraction. Jesus, I'd never had anyone that wanted me that much."

Now, if that wasn't the opening of all time, I didn't know what was. The question was, was I going to take it? Did I have a choice? Well, if I was, it had to be now, because we were almost at my classroom. Time to screw on that newfound self-confidence, girl. So, I stopped, turned to him, and said it.

"Riley, that's where you're wrong." He looked at me. "There's someone that's wanted you very badly for two years, someone that's plain crazy about you, and has been ever since you kissed her on her porch on Halloween. It's just that she's been too damn shy to tell you. Until now." And then I turned and went into class.

When I went to sit in my seat, I had to turn towards the door to do so. He was still standing there-with his jaw hitting the floor! Then the bell rang and he ran off towards his class.

The problem was, I forgot-Riley and I never saw each other after lunch. The classes we had together were in the morning. I wouldn't see him until the next day. That's a long time to hold my breath!

And, I didn't see him the next morning, either-I blew into school just in time. In our classes, he didn't say anything, though he did give me a smile in both. So, I was waiting for lunch. I beat him there, and, since it was still nice enough to eat outside, that's where I headed, to our usual corner. After a minute or two, here he came-thank goodness-heading right for me wearing one of those crooked Riley grins that made my heart go pitter-pat. He sat down next to me, grinned, and immediately launched into a bunch of slightly rude limericks. I was laughing so hard I couldn't eat.

He kept it up through most of lunch. I was howling. Then, all of a sudden, he said, "Hey. You know Karen Reuschel is having a party Halloween night, right?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Would you like to go with me?"

YEE-HAH!!! "Yes, I'd like that very much," I said.

"Good," he grinned. "We seem to have this long-standing tradition of a Halloween kiss. Wouldn't want to break it or anything." No siree! Lunch was almost over, so we got up to start walking to class. Then he said, "You know, that party's over two weeks away. Would you like to go to the movies Friday night?"

"Yes," I said, trying very hard not to grin like a damn idiot.

"Good," he smiled. We got to my class. "We can talk later about what time and all."

"OK," I smiled, and he walked away. I drifted into class. Class? Was I in class? Was there a teacher talking? What was he saying? I did not know and I did not care.

HE ASKED ME OUT! WHOOPEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Seven

We went to the movies that Friday-a comedy, of course-and had a wonderful time. When he dropped me off, he said, "So, do I have to wait until Halloween to ask you for a kiss?" Well, what do you think I said? It was wonderful.

He asked me to go out to dinner the next Friday. I of course accepted. I had a little bit of worry when he showed up, though. You see, when he'd come to get me the previous week, my mother wasn't around. This time, she was.

To say that my mother is hard on men would be an understatement. I understood the kick in the male ego that Donna gave to Riley because I saw my mother give it to my father, repeatedly. That's why my father left. My younger sister-well, Mom got pregnant with her while she was still married, but she's not my Dad's kid. And I remember a screaming fight shortly before Dad left when Mom told Dad he was lousy in bed. I didn't really understand it then-I was, like, 9-but I understand it now. She's dated since Dad left and they don't stick around long. She just treats men like shit. I don't know why she just doesn't go lesbian and be done with it. Hell, I worry about how she's going to treat my brother now that he's hitting puberty.

And, she wasn't all that particularly nice to Jay when I was dating him last year. So, yeah, I worried about how she was going to treat Riley. And, when the doorbell rang, I was still brushing my teeth. Mom, of course, ran to answer it. I could hear the conversation from the bathroom at the top of the stairs.

"So," Mom started in, "what makes you think you're good enough for my daughter?"

Oh Jesus. Poor Riley. I tried to brush my teeth as fast as I could. But then I heard Riley say, with a laugh, "I'm probably not good enough. But she thinks I am, so I figured I'd give it a shot. She likes me a lot, you know. The feeling's mutual."

"Why would she like you?" Mom sneered. "You don't look like anything special." Damn her! Brush brush brush. Was my breath clean yet?!?!?

Then I heard Riley answer, "I make her laugh."

"Aren't you the class cut-up?" Mom asked. "So don't you make everyone laugh?"

"No," I heard Riley answer. "Everyone else-well, they laugh half the time and scratch their heads in bafflement the other half of the time. Denise laughs all the time. She's on my wavelength-which is a miracle."